Good-Bye
Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2018 6:34 amWhen I was extended this job offer last Monday, I wasn't overjoyed or happy. I was rather frozen in shock for a moment as the full realization hit me. That I'd been living life carefree with little appreciation for long-term consequences. I'm about to lock up a good maybe...two years into a night shift position all in the name of advancing my career; having a "real job."
I had jokingly asked folks if I should invest in a new computer or a new BBQ, and I came to the conclusion that after two years on this potato of a laptop that I just don't have the interest in video games anymore. I'm tired of shoving effort into my video games only to have it vomit failure back into my face because I can't put the same time and diligence others put into this craft. I'd rather watch a movie where I don't have to think. Or study, where I'm not competing with others, only learning. I see a wall of frustration looming if I attempt to throw myself at this incredible task of remaining competitive around here.
I feel stretched, thin, like too little butter over too much bread. I see delight in others doing well, but I feel like my time is long past, and that I've been in my waning.
I'm calling a stop to it now, and departing with some dignity still left. I'm off to live life, move closer to my sweetheart, hang up the H8, start a family, and maybe start making something goddamned useful of myself, something worth being proud of that can't be taken away.
Good-bye. You mean so much.
I had jokingly asked folks if I should invest in a new computer or a new BBQ, and I came to the conclusion that after two years on this potato of a laptop that I just don't have the interest in video games anymore. I'm tired of shoving effort into my video games only to have it vomit failure back into my face because I can't put the same time and diligence others put into this craft. I'd rather watch a movie where I don't have to think. Or study, where I'm not competing with others, only learning. I see a wall of frustration looming if I attempt to throw myself at this incredible task of remaining competitive around here.
I feel stretched, thin, like too little butter over too much bread. I see delight in others doing well, but I feel like my time is long past, and that I've been in my waning.
I'm calling a stop to it now, and departing with some dignity still left. I'm off to live life, move closer to my sweetheart, hang up the H8, start a family, and maybe start making something goddamned useful of myself, something worth being proud of that can't be taken away.
Good-bye. You mean so much.